I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
