my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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