Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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