we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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