SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
