He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
