they need to just BURY HIM!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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