no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
