Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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