Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
