I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
