Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
