what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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