God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
