I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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