did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
