i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
