i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
