well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
