Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
