actually, I'm a sock model
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
