matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I could make wine with my vomit
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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