Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
