she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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