I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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