so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
