Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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