hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
