True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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