Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
