The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
