my mouth tastes like poor choices
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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