What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
