we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
