so explain again why im purple
no
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
