I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
