Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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