I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
