Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
