he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
