Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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