i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
