i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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