Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
