i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
