3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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