Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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