Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
