I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
