She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
