It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
