i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
