Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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