Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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